I'm eating all of the evidence.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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