Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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