i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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