the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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