Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
