I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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