I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
