I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think I sprained my soul last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
