yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize