I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hippo gnu deer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
