If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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