Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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