Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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