So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
