i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
