Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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