So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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