They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
