this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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