sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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