I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
