my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize