She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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