im drinking this country out of the recession.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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