Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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