If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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