I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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