And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
