We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
