I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
