who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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