Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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