I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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