the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
