so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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