have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
