I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
