he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
