Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
