I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
