Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
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if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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