He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
