that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
