Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
