hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
