i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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