Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
