My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
