Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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