What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
