So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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