Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
