Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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