I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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