you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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