I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
