You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
