the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
