the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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