Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
