Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
