All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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