Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
