the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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