naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.