Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sex on roller skates
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.