i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We have started to decorate penises.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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