youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
