i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
