oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize