Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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