I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My balls are so social today.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
where are my eyebrows?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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