talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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