So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
