I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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