whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
