I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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