it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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