considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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